I Have Decided
I have decided to find myself a home in the mountains, somewhere high up where one learns to live peacefully in the cold and the silence. It’s said that in such a place certain revelations may be discovered. That what the spirit reaches for may be eventually felt, if not exactly understood. Slowly, no doubt. I’m not talking about a vacation.
Of course, at the same time I mean to stay exactly where I am.
Are you following me?
Yesterday, as Danny and I ran past the giant chicken coops and strawberry fields and horse cart jumps — along side the hills and towards the smiles of Selma and Safia — I (almost) decided to make this home. Beyond the brown clouds and motorbike swerves and sweltering summers of Lahore, home in the mountains.
Today, my family left my home in Lahore for my home in California. They came with questions, and left with more questions. But of a different variety, perhaps in a different flavor, or in a different shape, or with different road lines and street signs.
On their first night in Lahore, I excitedly made my first-ever Lahori dinner reservation. Although I wanted to order a la carte, we sat in the buffet section because it was my first chance to sit in the designated “family only” area. And on our way to the table, I looked at the faces of each other family, hoping to see an acquaintance and have the chance to introduce my own family.
Today, I’m realizing that my spirit has been reaching for something. Something perhaps felt this past week. Although certainly not yet understood.
Tomorrow, I might understand — or understand more — that I am exactly where I am. That home can be found/made within a home. Or outside of it. And that I still have a lot to learn about living peacefully through the heat and noise in order to reach the cold and silence (and perhaps the revelation). And that, no doubt, it will take time. But that it will also take decisiveness.